I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
