he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
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I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
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When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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