so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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