So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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