im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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