Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize
