I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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