I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
