The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
