He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
