i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
