For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
