his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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