vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
