I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
