Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
