8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
