Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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