So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
