I faked an abortion last night.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
