Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
