Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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