my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
