Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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