i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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