Christians are straight up FREAKS
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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