please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
