When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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