FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
