I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
sarcasm needs its own font
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
