So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
50% drunk capacity currently
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
