I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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