So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
