The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Randomize
