i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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