im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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