she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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