I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Randomize
