My nipple is on Facebook.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Randomize
