you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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