So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
