Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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