he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
