At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
i am craving dick and cupcakes
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
