i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
