fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
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Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
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I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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