Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Randomize
