When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Randomize
