my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
he thought i was a dude.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
So much rum. So many feels.
I can't turn off my feet"
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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