You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
