you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
