dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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