I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
