OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Randomize
