I CAN MOONWALK!
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize