K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.