Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.