I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.