is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.