I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
